Climbing in Skirts

For those of you unfamiliar with the sport you can check out this article or watch the documentary.

So, bait dangling has caused a lot of foreigners and strange guys to pop up. Rather than editing my profile to ward off weirdos I have decided to keep the profile of the real me and go for a more proactive approach. It's time to roll up my sleeves and get dirty. I've never been the type to wait around for stuff to be handed out to me. I've asked out all the guys I have gone out with.

Sure there is more rejection involved with this method. But sending out a few emails is less risky than real noodling. There's no loss of limbs involved (or there shouldn't be).

Yea, that's right so what. I wasn't meeting anyone but moony guitarboys at school and I had had enough. After TWO YEARS of hits and misses and a billion first dates, coffee dates and 'check please' moments I found a good one.
As an online dater I employed the following tactics.
1. put up a mysterious but straight forward profile. Ask for exactly what you want... don't be vague, as it leaves rooms for men to do guesswork.. guesswork bad. Guesswork allows them to say "well I love to watch Scrubs so I guess I kinda look like Zach Braff".
2. put up a flattering pic, COLOR PIC. NO glamour shots, preferably smiling unless you have jacked up teeth like Kate Moss or Jewel.
3. update the profile often, add interesting points like books you have read, movies you love...etc.
4. Sit back and let the fish jump in the boat.

The hardest part is wading through the dozens of emails that start out "I know that you are looking for someone tall, but I thoughtI would try to impress you with BLAH BLAH BLAH I don't care I know what I want and its not you BUH BYE.

Harsh? Yes. But dating is cruel. I entertained some interesting men who turned out to be good friends, wedding dates, conversationalists but no uber tall super geek with pop culture knowledge, a love of movies where things blow up and the ability to color coordinate. Then... I met my current partner.
I say partner cause that's what he is... boyfriend makes me think of middle school, like he's sticking notes in my locker and we're going to go to the dance together but stand on opposite sides of the room and shyly wave all night. We share the responsibilities in life and that is awesome.
He showed up (our first date was a month after he made initial email contact) well put together and exactly as advertised. I was late (gotta love the bus). He stood up when I got to the table and the moment I saw him my stomach went flipflop.

We've been going out for, well it will be two years on Thursday. A milestone for both of us. Turns out he'd been living across the river from me for the past 6 years and our paths never crossed.

My advice for those online dating, sign up for a bunch of sites. I highly recommend Match.com and TheOnion.com personals. Nerve.. I was there but then they got all you must pay bleah bleah. Put up a couple profiles and see which one is working the best. Be direct and remember that if you don't ask for what you want you can't complain about what you get.

Good Luck.
~end

I am back in online dating world. Ideally, I should do my man shopping out in the real world but since I was home sick from work last week I used online man shopping to fill the space between cartoons and Oprah.

I decided to ditch OkCupid and test out Nerve.com's personals. Its rather frustrating because it's a paid service. In order to supplement my search, I decided to try out MySpace.com and Friendster.com to hunt people down for free.

First of all I have to agree with the last online dating article. There are things you should and should not do if you plan on attracting someone. Not that my profile is all that. I plan on adding some more info but I needed to make sure that there were fish in the pond before I tricked out my fishing gear.

Next, I must say that I am VERY picky. I sat down with my friend Megan last night to show her that I am not stalling on moving on, there just aren't any guys that are worth it. During my showcase of the males in Austin between ages 28 and 32 on these services Megan noted that she was very thankful for the fact that she wasn't out there searching. She has found someone for now. I wish that I had a recording of my man shopping commentary to add to this article. It was pretty harsh but Megan had a good laugh.

Where are those guys who are hot, have a decent job, and have their shit together? Are they all taken?

Things that will cause me to diss your profile...

1. Bad profile name/nickname. If you are calling yourself "mrhottie39485", "theshiznit", or "imsofncool", you may as well call yourself "theprofilejenznotgonnalookat"
2. Bad picture as the default (blurred, chick cut out, cartoon image, animated gif). When I run a search query this is what catches my attention and may redeem those of you who made a bad choice in profile/nickname.
3. Crappy taglines/headlines can lose you points as well. Things like "lookin for lovin", "Mr. Right", or "I'm not wearing pants in this picture" aren't going to get you far.
4. There are also a few general things that I use to weed out people. Height (I'd prefer someone my height or taller), kids (no kids please, I'd like to avoid that kind of drama), dogs (I am not a dog person), smokers (I'm allergic), choice of additional photos (all of them are in bars or clubs), jocks and frat boys (need not apply), and anything that might allude to the fact that you are a dork with poor social skills.
5. Now we break it down by service because they are a little different.

• MySpace.com

1. MySpace allows you to "trick out" your profile page. Because I am into web design, I may deduct points for poor usability and too much crap (animated gifs, sounds, etc...)
2. If you have a lot of trashy chicks in your friend list you lose points. There is no way that you know half those chicks named Brandi wearing the T-backed thong.

• Friendster.com

1. No stats on Friendster. I will have no clue as to whether you have a dog, nine kids, a drug habit, etc unless you reveal these things in your profile somewhere or in the photos. I am really critical of these. I also read your blog for more information.

• Nerve.com

1. Nerve allows me to be super picky and they weed out a lot of people. Unfortunately you have to PAY to contact them. This is why I enlisted the other two services. I should not have to pay a service to get some. I will not allow Nerve to be a pimp. I will be disconnecting shortly as I am not sure I want Nerve to be MY pimp.

Am I too picky? A girl's got to have standards.

More later.

Coming soon (if we can scrape up the cash), Speed Dating- Jen vs. Keely

Ok, so barely about a month ago, I tenatively put a profile on Match.com. It's been almost a whole year since my divorce, and I haven't dated much. I had two disasterous dates, one former model with three kids who disappeared into thin air with no explanation after three really nice dates, and another professional musician who I had known for a while but decided to wig out on me. I realized I was ready to date, but not ready for the rejection. Now that time has passed and I am not so broken, I think it's time for me to get out there. Even if it's bad, I can write a book about it and make millions.

So I have this profile on Match.com. Now I love talking about myself, but put a blank dating profile in front of me, and I get writer's block. I think I did pretty well considering. And I was completely honest. I threw in a few pics, not that I think they are terribly good, but I guess they look like me enough.
And I waited.
It's much like fishing, in a way. Your pics and profile are the bait... but more like fishing with a net. You never know what... ahem.. debris you might dredge up..

Ok, so it's not so bad, the men on Match.com seem like quality, especially in my age group. I was surprised when I did searches, there were quite a few to choose from, and they were not dogs. Which is nice, because when I go out to the entertainment district, if I meet any guys they are at least 10 years younger than I am. They don't seem to care how old I am, but I am not willing to go through all the 20's crap again. Been there, done that.

But I get the sneaking suspicion that there are
'member plants' on there, they have these profiles that get you in so you pay, but they aren't really members. It could happen. Some of those just seem too good to be true.. Financier, rodeo cowboy and model who's independantly wealthy and has this professional black-and white headshot for a photo... uh, yeah, right.

I have gone into this with very realistic expectations.
So, I get e-mails from a few guys. One asked for pics. I sent them. Then I never heard anything again... It's hard not to take it personally. I mean, were the pics that bad?

Another guy wanted me to chat online with him. I felt so.. well 2005...
Technology is a wonderful thing. We did this for a few nights off and on. He seemed nice, and had a webcam so I could see him while we chatted in IM. One night, he was on and he was not wearing a shirt.
Curious, I cautiously asked if he was wearing pants... he was, sort of. Boxers. I felt a bit wierd talking to a guy I hardly knew sitting in his underwear..

Another guy I got an e-mail from was a 43-year-old guy from Tokyo, he said he looked like Bruce Lee. He did. He told me in broken english his whole life story.. Though I am a huge Bruce Lee fan, I think he's a little too old, and a little too far away for me...

Another, who looked promising, asked for my phone number. I gave him my cell number, so he couldn't track me down through the phone company and stalk me. Exactly one week later, after I had written him off as a dud, I get a call from him. He has that smooth radio/salesman voice on the phone. Sounds sexy.. but he called me at 8:45 on a Friday night. I was out of town so I didn't get the message until the next day. Now I was not born yesterday, I suspect highly that I was not the first person he'd tried to make plans with that might. Duh! Besides, if I was going out, I would have most certainly had plans already by that time...he's setting himself up for failure. Hasn't he read "The Rules?"
I left him a return message, we shall see if I hear from him again.

So I met the underwear boy, who was nice but has a problem complexion and is shorter than he said he was. He is also unfortunately more well-spoken online than he is in person. He told me girls he had met lied on their profiles, especially about their weight. He said one girl had put "about average" as her body type. He said if 30lbs overweight was average, she was right on the mark. He said I looked better than my pictures. He was easy to talk to and seems nice, but there's no spark. The spark has to be there for me. And bottom line: I am just way too cute for him. Am I shallow? I did get a free dinner out of it though.

And then I met another guy, who lives at the lake and sells boats. I drove out there to meet him at Carlos and Charlies. He was about like he seemed online. Very laid back, not drop-dead gorgeous but nice looking. And very, very tan. He seems well-adjusted and was very easy to talk to and we got along famously. He promised we would do it again sometime. I do hope so, he's the most promising yet. At the least we could become friends and he can be my boat buddy. Everyone needs one of those.

So, here's some tips for guys who might be reading this who want to be sucessful at the online dating game:

1. Do not call a girl at 8:45 on a Friday night to do something. We are not stupid, we will know the last three girls you asked out turned you down.

2. If you have a webcam, wear clothes please. Unless, however, you are a professional underwear model.

3. Don't spend 10 minutes telling a possible date why you don't like the company she works for, even if you do feel that way. Wait till you've been dating for years.

4. Inappropriate self-disclosure. That rash that has just started to clear up, or the restraining order your ex has on you... probaby don't want to mention that right away.

5. Don't put pictures of yourself online that it's obvious your girlfriend has been cut out of.

6. Don't lie about your height. I know guys are challenged in measurements, but hey, have a friend measure your height. you can go to 7-11 and stand by that measurement thingy by the door for when they get robbed and want to be able to say how tall the suspect was.
We will know the first time we meet you how tall you are, and then we know you have lied on your profile. Lying will get you nowhere, except maybe made fun of on this blog.

Today I got my first real job paycheck.
It was exciting, finally seeing my name neatly type through the cellophane window. Ripping open the crisp white envelope.
I don't know what I was expecting.
I mean I worked it out beforehand, how much I was going to earn net paywise per paycheck.
I guess I was hoping I would be wrong.
I was dead on right.
Well..I was under by $1.22.
But I am oifficially a part of upper echelon of the hourly wage workers.
Now to jump into my Quicken account and adjust my savings goals.
Ahh... employment.
~end