Climbing in Skirts

Hi. I'm fat. Not Martha Dump truck/BIG FUN fat. But I've hit a deuce. For those of you that do not know, that means that I am, or was when I weighed myself last week, 200 pounds. I can't really say anything to defend myself. I was eating like a maniac. I'm sure I consumed a good 7,000 calories a day for a little bit. I even drank those Hershey’s milkshakes that have barely any milk and are rancid even if you shake them. I was eating ice cream by the pint, peanut butter by the jarful, double servings of everything. I was amazingly riveted to the contents of the refrigerator. But I would like to announce that I have things under control.

Under control you say?

How can you be under control when you are 200 pounds-- a good FIFTY pounds heavier than the summer of 2003?


Well, for one thing Maury hasn't come to cut the wall of my house off so that they (they being a team of twenty and a fork lift operator) can hoist my beyond rubenesque behind into the XXXXXL Ambulance and off to the hospital where they will shrink my stomach down to the size of a thumb.
Nope, no Maury here.
In the last week I have lost five pounds, which is a good start. I have changed my eating habits and no longer snack on candy at work. Well, a couple sugar free hard candies don’t hurt anybody. I'm working out…doing Yoga and growing my tree etc, lifting weights blah de blah. I was glad to see it was paying off. So that's what is going on with me. I'm fat. I'm working on it.

~end

It's 10:15 on Friday night.

I have secured my 12th job. It feels a little weird. I am happy to be leaving the area where I am in but I am not quite sure if this next job is "the one" or if it is just preparing me for job #13. I am exhausted. You'd think that job hunting and finding would be easy for someone like me who has had so many jobs. It's not.

People give me a lot of shit for wanting something more, something better. They say, "be thankful that you have a job." Blame my stupidity. I have been listening to an audiobook called, "The Millionaire Mind," by Thomas J. Stanley, PhD. He says that people who were told they wouldn't be successful because they did poorly in school/standardized tests are often the ones that make it the farthest. Damn right! I had the conflicting messages. My teachers didn't expect me to amount to much at times but my parents always gave me the "as long as you do your best" speech.

Sometimes I think it's a curse. Other times I am thankful for being so driven. I am 28 and I have been a homeowner for 3 years. I am not rich by any means. I have enough. I have no debts (unless you count the mortgage). Somedays I think that it might be cool to have a nicer car or a hottub. Maybe a giant tv with surround sound. But I am doing alright without those things.

I am not looking for extra cash. I feel that if you are going to spend a good portion of your life at your job it had damn well better be satisfying. There are much faster ways to make money at not so satisfying jobs. I could be a drug dealer or a sex worker (although something says that sex worker may be a little fun for a little while).

If I am going to work under someone, that someone had better be a damn good leader and I should learn something from them. Otherwise what is the point? Why not be self-employed?