Climbing in Skirts

Everytime I see a futon I am reminded of a few key futon experiences. I don't know that the experiences could be duplicated but I am constantly reminded of things that can happen with a futon. It's a couch AND a bed. You could be innocently hanging out on a couch and the next minute you are close to naked on a bed.

Scenario #1
You are hanging out on a futon, with a boy, listening to Beastie Boys and watching cartoon network on mute. You are drinking rum and cokes and all of a sudden you move from vertical to horizontal. Not only that, but the futon was converted with you on it, and the boy did it with one hand. This boy was a Jedi. He could have your blouse unbuttoned and your bra unhooked without you even knowing. I've helped this guy clean his apartment on a few occasions and based on the fact that several pairs of panties were recovered from under the futon, he had time to work on this one handed technique [aside: how can all these girls forget to retrieve their panties?]

Scenario #2
NYE party. Spare room at someone's house has a futon. Yes, 5 people can fit on a futon, especially when it is a bed.

Scenario #3
Birthday party. It's the end of the night and things are winding down. People are clearing out and the people who own the place decided to convert the futon so we could all be a little more confortable.

I guess what I am saying is, I fear futons because I end up horizontal and mostly naked. Who ever knew that furniture could be so dangerous.