Sad Music

So every thing's been going really well lately. Met an awesome guy, school's almost done, but there's some things that people don't really ever shake.

I dunno what it was, maybe a combination of reading Jen's post and listening to sad music, but I just got a horrible homesick feeling. I miss my family. I keep saying that it's ok, I'll be back to visit soon, and October's not too long away, but wow that was totally unexpected.

I will say, the karma's been good to me lately, but you know how it's all going great, then one little thing makes you think. Just that one sad song gets you.

Again this is a lesson in humility for me I know I say that a lot, but really this year is a super good lesson in humility for me. I should be way more thankful of the good times and good stuff, because it's totally true, I never know when that sadness will strike. I'm definitely not saying this is stopping me in my tracks, but I just felt a little crappy, and I wanted it out of my head.

Really, isn't that the whole point of writing this. (I know for sure that since I've been posting more frequently I feel a lot better.) Getting some of the bad out makes more room for the good.

So now back to my regularly scheduled good karma.

Breakdowns and buttons

So today I had a little breakdown. I was in the middle of an email conversation (with that boy I stalked). He had asked if I had pets.

I have a cat named Louis that I found when I lived in the Co-op. I never saw myself with a pet, I only had fish growing up. He was a little west campus dumpster diving kitty that needed a home. I have had him for almost 10 years. He is a house cat during the winter and he tends to disappear a lot in the summer. He's been M.I.A. for the last month though. This time I think he really may be gone for good. I had been preparing myself for the day that he didn't come home but this will take some getting used to. I suppose there are worse ways to lose a pet. A friend of mine actually saw his cat get hit by a car. Other friends have had to deal with putting a pet to sleep.

Then I broke down. While I have always known that my illusive kitty would stop coming home one day, I hadn't really prepared for it. Writing all of this down hit me really hard. I decided to pack up all of of Louis' stuff and put it in the closet. Then I didn't want to be in the house at all. went home. I needed my mom. I needed to cry. I needed a hug.

My mom did what mom's are supposed to do. They let you get it out of your system. She was the keeper of my cat for awhile and new of his transient habits. She said that I should have called and she would have helped me pack up his stuff. I told her I thought I could handle it. She asked if I wanted a new cat. I told her I wasn't ready for that. I wanted MY cat.

After I calmed down she showed me her latest sewing projects. I showed her the dress I was working on. It needed buttons. She had some in her stash that worked out. We watched Harry Potter. I sewed buttons on the dress. We talked and laughed and I felt better.

When I was about to leave she told me that she was happy that I stopped by unexpectedly. I told her I needed a hug, and buttons.

Kudos to the Sounds Dudes at the Mohawk

Now, that's commitment to sound, at a free show the sound guys went out of their way to change out a bad speaker during the middle of a show (during a band break mind you, but still) if this were emos they'd just crank it up, and say screw you all.

Not totally sure I was feelin' the crowd, but what can y0u expect for a free show, right?

So yeah, enjoyed The Frightened Rabbits, they like a more approachable Shout Out Louds. AND, the sound guy kept coming out to check how it sounded in the crowd. I think the sound guys here like me. I should make friends with them, I should buy them a beer. Hey dudes, thanks for making the shows sound good to me.

On a side note:


I'm all for girls going up to dudes at show/in bars and playing that pick-up game, but really, can't you do that somewhere it doesn't disturb my show?

There were two bitchy barbie dolls right behind me during the whole show, and whatever, wear what you want, and do what you want, but don't you realize there are other people in the world besides you? I mean really, couldn't you tell by all the dirty looks I gave you two that I didn't want to hear you shouting over the music at some drunk dude who yer trying to take home.

Maybe the looks weren't enough, ok I get that. When I asked you to go inside to talk, by politely suggesting that you were:

• Bitches
  
• And I couldn't hear the music over your drunken excuse at flirting with that douche bag
  

all seemed like reasonable support to you leaving the "show area" so that I could enjoy the bands more.

Guess you didn't get the hint. You know, I did really want to say something else, but I didn't really think you bitches were worth it, I just moved next to the hot tall dude who wasn't acting like an idiot.

So thanks ladies, for helping me realize that I really shouldn't bother with girls like you. As much fun as it would have been to get kicked out of a bar for fighting (I haven't done that in years) I would have been a sad night to miss the Frightened Rabbits, too bad you clearly don't have any musical taste or appreciation for musicians.


Oh yeah, and good luck with that douche bag.

Smart went Crazy

So I went a little crazy this week with the whole interweb stalking. When M and I get bored we send each other the M4W Craigslist postings. Since she has been on a hot streak recently I was a little jealous and decided to take action.

I responded to a ton of ads. The one response I got was from a super hot guy who was interested in me (or my legs). Unfortunately he posted his ad in the wrong city (he lives in CA). I moved on to the Chronicle's personals. I was debating signing up for their service. Not sure I want to go there. There are a handful of interesting people.

In my craziness, I used the interweb for evil. I stalked a boy. I ran a few keywords in his profile through google. Then I located a name which I could run through the "friend finder" in MySpace and Facebook. Normally I stop myself at this point. But as I said before, "I WAS CRAZY". So I sent this boy an email on Facebook. It felt a little "Dateline NBC: To Catch a Predator" but I did it anyways. I admitted to stalking him in the email. (IMHO Facebook is not really the place to be picking up dudes. That is a MySpace thing).

I sent the Arab a text message saying that I needed help. The first step to sobriety is admitting you have a problem. I got on the elliptical machine to for a bit. I can't use the computer there. Later, I emailed M and Meg to let them know about the crazy and that I had put myself in time out. I was traveling for work and I was going to back away from the interweb. They were rather amused.

At this point in time I can say that crazy paid off. Stay tuned.

Inside the Arab's Lair

So I ended up at the Arab's place on Saturday. I wanted to check out a real bachelor pad. The liquor cabinet was stocked. The music was queued up. The only thing missing was a remote that controlled everything (including the blinds).

We discussed the placement of pillows and blankets in the living room. He explained the contents of the coffee table (magazine choices). The candles, the chess set, everything had a purpose. He showed me where he condoms were stashed (not where I would expect, I keep mine in the remote holder).

We toured the bookcase. Although he slipped up in the display. "The Game" was parked next to a brightly jacketed book. This lead my eye straight to it. I showed the Arab how to hide his guidebooks in plain site.

I didn't make it to the bedroom. Stay tuned...

Open Up Those Gates!

So, I guess when you do open up the gates the flood waters just come rushing in.

I had some pretty awesome experiences this past weekend/few days. Seems like I've been stuck in a holding pattern for a little while now, and this is just pay-backs. So I'm just saying thanks to the karma gods.

I don't really buy into the whole idea of karma in the reincarnation sense, but in this life time, the paybacks business, yeah, I dig it.

This is also a realization for me in that sometimes good things happen when you're not looking. It's a lesson in humility in the simplest sense. It's like all I have to do is it... and really I'm not even sure what it is. I'm glad I'm blogging about this today, because I'm sure there will be a day soon when I feel shitty. Life f-ing moves on. And if I can just stay afloat in taking care of my stuff, then hallelujah everything will work out.

Although there is also the benefit of being in that holding pattern for a little. Yes, it does lead to frustration, but in a much larger sense it's given me the opportunity to bring some really important relationships with my friends into more clarity in my life.

So I guess I'm saying I'm happy to be frustrated sometimes, but right now, f-ing bring it on! In a metaphorical sense I think I did a good job of building my raft, so open up those flood gates!

Texting Your Way To Love

M sent me the link to this video clip today. I am just getting into text messaging. M on the other end is an addict.

Challenge Update #2

I am still in, the Arab is still in, not sure who else is still working on the quest. Some how I managed to get ahead of everyone else (unless the Arab starts counting people more than once).

Since the last update...

1. I have gone on a few non-Wednesday dates.
2. There have been 2 dinner dates (I have yet to scam dinner off someone. I could have but decided that it was a bad idea).
3. One date was a meager 1 hour and 15 minutes. It was an early dinner (M revised the rules for dates during meals).
4. Only one of the dates was found organically. He picked me up in a bar with a cheesy pick up line.

As far as the next few dates go, the Arab has agreed to be my "Yoda". I will study under him and be his pivot.

Dating advice from the Arab #2

Dear Arab, WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?

So, I met this dude. I decided to meet him it at his house around 10. We talked. We drank some wine. We ended up making out on the couch. All of a sudden, he's telling me that I am beautiful. Anyways, we talked some more then I end up in his bed (clothes still on). We listen to music and continue making out. Things progress, we fooled around a bit, I somehow ended up topless and we debated having sex. He said that he wasn't going to have sex with me. (part of me trusted him, part of me didn't). He actually kept his word. Then things got a little weird. In between the fooling around, he told me that he was starting to fall for me. He held me and we end up spooning and I almost fell asleep there. Then I told him that I needed to go home. I needed to sleep in my bed. He told me that I should stay and fall asleep with him. It was late and I shouldn't drive home (no worries, I was sober). I bolted the first chance I got.

-Running scared

Dear Running scared,

This guy made a classic rookie mistake. This guy is definitely not a pickup artist. Oh, he may find plenty of women who fall for his tricks and sleep with him, but I doubt he goes out on many second or third dates. He made the mistake of skipping through some steps and trying to sleep with you before he established trust with you. He said he didn't want to sleep with you, but that was just his way not pressuring you. Trust me, it's easier to sleep with a girl if she doesn't think you want to sleep with her. He would have had sex if you would have let him. Never trust a guy who tells you you're beautiful while you're making out. He's usually just trying to make you feel good so you'll go a little further. This guy is not really long term material. He was trying to sleep with you right away without building a relationship first.

-the Arab

Am I really being left behind?

So, today the last of my single friends is buying a house... er I mean signing the papers on his new house.

I am the last of everyone within my group of friends to be progressing forward. I don't own my own house, am not married, and do not have a job. What state does that exactly put me in.

I'm sitting here at school, and yes that's community college still listening to the little barbies next to me talking about how they must have fall weddings... Am I so young that I'm no where even thinking about all that yet? I thought I was older than most people I go to school with. I guess age is just a state of mind.

What does this mean? Are my friends out growing me?

I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter all that much, I'm pretty much happy at the place that I am in life, but it is something in the back of my head.

I guess it's more motivation to get through with school faster. I guess the part of it all that's scary is that I feel like I'm in this state of limbo right now. I know what I have to do, but I'm in the doing it stage and not the being done stage.

Maybe that's the lesson, enjoying the stage of doing because there will always be a next stage to worry about later.

Any thoughts?