Fancy seeing you here...

I knew I would eventually run into one of those guys again.

Today I was out watching the debates with my posse at a local bar (I know, we are dorks for watching the debates in a bar, but it was high def and most of us don't have cable). M and I were watching the door for hot guys and the rest of the crew. I saw guy walk in and did a double take. It was the redhead (who according to his facebook profile is engaged). I turn to M and she looks at me. M starts to get up and have a chat with him. I told her to ignore him. I look away and try to be invisible (Not very easy. A black girl is kind of hard to miss.) He starts walking towards us and ends up a few tables away. I maintain my cool and keep talking to my peeps. M offers to take him out for me. I said no. He's just a sad little boy in a bar watching the debates all by himself.

In the end he decided to move to the other end of the bar. I am guessing he felt a little uncomfortable (At one point in time I turned around to talk to my peeps at the table behind me and we made eye contact. Neither of us said a thing). I, on the other hand, felt truly blessed. I have a posse that will always be by my side rain or shine.

Oh, and I saw David Byrne last night. More reasons to be happy.

I love you all.
-Jen

Date #9 (how it all played out)

So there were more emails and a few more dates.

We saw Wall-e on the 4th of July and watched the fireworks from his window. We discovered that our musical tastes were compatible. I was the first person to see his new apartment. He gave me a copy of the book that he wrote. He drove across town to have dinner at my place. He even brought me flowers.

and now it's time for the BUT.

Two days after I cook him dinner I get the "I'm not ready for a relationship" email. Apparently he just got out of something a few weeks before I went out with him. He said that I deserve to be with someone who can give themselves to me unencumbered by emotional bulshit.

I feel a little used. The fact that this didn't come up at all in the 3 weeks that we have shared a wealth of personal information is a little weird. It seems like "I just got out of a relationship" would have popped up before a lot of the things he shared. Especially if it was something that was creating that much disruption in his life. I had finished his book and it was pretty apparent that he had gone though some messy stuff. Maybe not everything in the book was true but something in his life had to inspire his writing.

As much as we hate to admit it we all come with personal baggage and emotional bullshit. Some people have paired it down to a backpack others are toting around a 5 piece matching set.

This is why I started this 17 dates challenge. I wanted to work out some personal issues. I had built this giant wall around myself and I knew that in order to grow as a person I needed to let people into my life. I had to learn how to share and trust in order to lighten my emotional load. I think I have got it down to one of those little train cases.

It's funny that this happened now. I was trying to figure out how to proceed with the 17 dates. The 4 dates I had gone on with the redhead were good. I decided to take things one day at time. Then there is the fact that sex complicates things so I figured it was best to hang out on the plateau called date #9. The goal of this challenge is not to go on 17 dates in a year, it was for me to grow as a person. Passing up opportunities out of fear was not acceptable.

Date #9 - The Redhead

Date: July 2, 2008
Location: Gingerman
Time: 7 pm
Duration of date: 12 hrs 30 min
Occupation: Teacher
Age: 26

So crazy paid off. After a week of emailing back and forth on Facebook he asked me out.

We met at the gingerman at 7. He was at the table in the far corner, reading a book and drinking a beer. I got a beer. We talked for a long time. We had another round of beer. More talking. He asked about dinner. I said I wasn't super hungry but I would go grab food with him. I was feeling the beer so food was a good idea.

We walked to Taverna. He was hobbling due to a broken toe. I was a little tipsy. We ordered capresi and some wine (I filed the disclaimer that I could drink no more). We talked more, we ordered dinner. More talking. I drank the wine. The trek to the restroom was a little tricky. Then I did the unthinkable. The check came and I let him pay.

He asked what I would be up for next. I said that I could not drive home right now. He said we could go for a walk. I vetoed because he was being stubborn about the foot. We ended up at Betsy's bar. He got makers and something. I had LOTS of water. We talked some more. The truth came out about the email. He admitted to putting a lot of work into those. I admitted that I put the effort in because I was writing to an english teacher. At some point I leaned towards him and put my head against his. Then we were making out in the bar. He held my hand. He had his hand on my thigh, then he was running his hand along my leg, then his hand was under my skirt (AND I DIDN'T STOP HIM). We were THAT couple. Making out in the bar.

We left the bar and he asked what I wanted to do next. I said, driving was not an option for me. He asked if I wanted to hand out with him some more. I said that would be cool. He asked if I'd like to see his school. So we hiked up to his school. He showed me his classroom. We made out
there. Then we made out in his car (it was parked at school). Here is where I debated asking him to take me back to Em's house so I could sleep on her couch.

I went to his place. He filed the disclaimer that his house was a mess. I shouldn't let it reflect poorly on him because his roommate is a slob. His room was really clean. We talked for a bit. Then it was more making out. (when I told em the story earlier she asked if i was sober enough to make clear decisions. was it the liquor talking?) I was in complete control of the situation. I removed my own underpants. We made out some more. Then it was obvious that the sex was going to happen. I said that I had condoms in my purse. Game ON! That's right, the 2 year drought is over.

There was sex and talking and more making out. I think that I got 2 hours of sleep. I did have some issues keeping my mouth shut. I brought up the 2 year drought. I told him that this is one of the few dates that I've gone on recently that didn't end in the awkward hug. I told him that the sex on the first date never happens.

The sleepover. Umm, he held me all night. I couldn't escape. I wanted to be on a side of the bed on my own with covers. So clingy in the bed. He said that I should call in sick and he would take me to my car on the way to work.

We were up before the alarm rang. More making out. There was no sex though. He showered while I rounded up my clothes. I checked out the contents of his room too. Not bad. He is moving this weekend. He is trading in a roommate for the cat that has been living with his parents.

He said that he wanted to see me again. He asked what I was doing on Friday and could he take me out to dinner. I told him that he didn't have to buy my dinner.

He dropped me off at my car around 7:30 and tried to convince me to skip work. He didn't have to be at work until 9 but I realized that my car needed to be moved before 8 (it was at a meter). He kissed me and said that he would call me later.

I managed to get to my house at 8. I got showered and dressed and was in my office at 8:30.

He sent me a really sweet email that morning. We shall see how this plays out.

Date #7 - guy on bike

Date: May 25, 2008
Location: El Arroyo
Time: 7:45pm
Duration of date: 2 hrs 15 min
Occupation: Web Designer/Student
Age: 33

This guy showed up with a mountain man beard. Can you say "CREEPY" boys and girls?

This dude was weird. I think part of it was nerves. But still, something beyond that was wrong. He claimed to be a vegetarian/vegan. Then he said that he was curious about meat sometimes and would eat it. WTF! His main mode of transportation is his bicycle. He knows nothing about bikes and repair though. Not impressed.

He asked most of the questions. I was trying not to appear bored (come on mexican martini, work your magic). Then he dropped the bomb. He asked what my guiding principles and beliefs were. That is not a first date question. That a question to be asked when drunk or under the influence. Or maybe after sex. Totally inappropriate for a first date.

When dinner was over, he asked if I would be up for going to the Gingerman for a beer or hanging out somewhere. I had my one Mexican Martini with my dinner and I wanted to escape. Then there was the payment for dinner thing. I suggested that we split the check. I figured that it was best not to lead this dude on.

At the end of the date I attempted the patented "handshake and run". Unfortunately I got into the awkward hug. Then he tried to kiss me. I am hoping he wanted to kiss my cheek. That's what he got (or a mouthful of hair).

Crazy? Really? Me, nah!

I guess this goes under 17 dates. I only have 6 though, man why did I take myself outta commission for so long? Anyhow:

The crazy got me.

I took it upon myself to e-mail the dude a friend's been talking about. I thought he was great. I made a slightly bad decision on where to go for drinks, but we resolved that about halfway through the evening.

Once we left the first horrible place and ended up at the second one everything seemed to be going well. I thought we had a lot of things to talk about, but maybe that was the two martinis that I had. :(

I didn't feel wasted, but looking back on it, I did mention how two martinis made me a little buzzed. Which is probably why the next thing happened. So the bar we were at closes at midnight. They kicked us out at midnight, so we decided to go and sit outside and talk some more, we sat on the tail-gate of his truck. And now that I realize he was just being nice and waiting for me to sober up enough to drive home I feel like an idiot.

In my pseudo drunken state (I really was just nervous, and not trying to get drunk... boo) I thought we had so much in common, that we could talk about books and climbing and music. Yeah well I guess he was just humoring me so that he was sure I could get home safely.

When I finally felt better I started getting tired, so I told him I had to go home. He walked me back to my car, gave me the slightly awkward hug, and started to walk away. Again, I'll reiterate, I was crazy. So I said, "What was that?" I really didn't get it. I asked him if he wanted to see me again. Oh stupid me! WTF, really? I'm pretty sure I caught him off guard a little, but he was honest. He said something about other circumstances.... Which I translated to, no, I'm not interested in you that way, but if I see you out with other friends, I'll be polite and you should too.

So even if he isn't interested, I still give him points. He was honest with me after all.

I'm not even sure I should go into the rest of the random ramblings I've been thinking about that date. Maybe that'll wait for another post. I'll just leave this and say: Thanks for being honest with me dude. That makes you a stand-up guy even if you're not interested. Oh and thanks for waiting around till I could drive home, that too makes you a stand up guy, even if you were not even mildly amused by my rantings.

Content vs Substance...

So I had a bunch of date related stuff typed up and decided to use Blogger's scheduler to make sure that things got published. This scales back on the spontaneity but it gets content out there on a more frequent basis. Unfortunately, I will have to get back on the dating train to avoid running out of content.

The dating thing was starting to get a little crazy. Part of me was thinking about going on some dates that were bound for disaster just to get a story (ie. dude with 7 cats. BTW. Ask the Arab is about 90% true). I was beginning to feel like one of those crazy tabloid writers that follows Britney and Lindsay around for a story. NOT GOOD. That totally defeats the point behind the exercise.

Even though I have no clue who my readership is I would like to believe that they would appreciate REAL, yet highly entertaining, content. I would also like dates with substance rather than losing precious minutes of my life that I will never get back.

Date #8- Napoleon Dynomite

Date: June 7, 2008
Location: Clay Pit
Time: 6:30pm
Duration of date: 1 hrs 15 min
Occupation: Architect
Age: 28

He emailled me first. He was interested in cooking together (this sounded a little pervy). We emailled about how awesome Cook's Illustrated was. I thought that this dude was a foodie and might be interesting.

So we met for an early dinner at Clay Pit. Dinner was tasty. The company wasn't so great. When he spoke he sounded like Napoleon Dynomite. He was beyond awkward and he was clueless on dining in Austin. He's been in Austin for 3 years and claims that there aren't any restaurants that serve fresh foods (Casa de Luz anyone?). He is not a foodie. A foodie would know that the majority of the good restaurants in town have options for vegetarians on the menu. If not, then they will make you something special.

At least I got my indian food. Dinner ended awkwardly (you know I didn't let this one pay for diner). We hung out after paying but the waitstaff kept staring at us, hoping we were leaving so they could seat more people.

We walked outside and headed to our cars. I was able to finish the date with the "handshake-and-run" approach. I called the Arab and ended up getting margaritas with him and the Jew. That was a much better way to spend an evening.

Date #6 (2nd date)- The Artist

Date: May 24, 2008
Location: His House

So I gave the artist a second chance. I figured that he must be lonely. He doesn't really fit the stalker or the player MO.

We were supposed to go to the museum the week before but he was sick. I went over after dinner with friends. We watched "Four Eyed Monsters" and made out on the couch. This time we were both sober. My shirt came off pretty quickly. He marched me to his bed and more making out.

Once again, the date ended with the sleepover debate. I left. I know the dangers of spooning.

We kept in touch for a little while. His phone is frequently cut off and he has disappeared a few times. He popped up later on MySpace but I didn't respond.

Date #6 - The artist

Date: May 9, 2008
Location: His House
Time: 9:30pm
Duration of date: ~6 hrs
Occupation: Restaurant/Artist
Age: 35

I'd actually been emailling this dude through FastCupid (his on the Onion Personals) since February. It started with talk of a game of truth or dare. We talked on the phone a few times. He was really sweet. Then he disappeared for a month. He had a family emergency. Then he popped up again and wanted to hang out.

Based on the fact that he was an artist and worked in a restaurant (and the dirty email and phone conversations) I figured that he would be a pretty easy NSA target.

So, I went to his house at 9:30 on a Friday (my first non-weeknight date). We talked. We drank some wine on his front porch out of Styrofoam cups (he just moved in). I could tell that he had had a head start in the drinking dept. I wasn't sure how much though. He called me out for being uncomfortable around him. He asked why I couldn't look him in the eye.

We talked about tattoos. When I said that I didn't have any, he said that he would draw one for me and he traced the place on my arm where he thought it should go. A little spooky but I fell for it. We went inside. We danced in the living room. We ended up on the couch and we sat and talked with his head in my lap. We laughed at the many drunk phone calls that M made to me that night.

We ended up making out on the couch. All of a sudden, he's telling me that I am beautiful. Anyways, we talk some more then I end up on his bed (clothes still on, I am not Megan). We listen to music and continue making out. Things progress, we fooled around a bit, I somehow ended up topless and we debated having sex. He said that he wasn't goingto have sex with me. (part of me trusted him, part of me didn't). He actually kept his word.

Then things got a little weird. In between the fooling around, he told me that he was starting to fall for me. He held me and we end up spooning and I almost fell asleep there. Then I told him that I needed to go home. I needed to sleep in my bed. He told me that I should stay and fall asleep with him. It was late and I shouldn't drive home (no worries, I was sober). He told me to call or text him when I got home. (this was around 4am).

Part of me wanted to stay. Its been over a year since anyone has paid that kind of attention to me. Part of me wanted to run the hell out of there and never come back. I ended up leaving (I made sure that I didn't leave anything there).

He sent me 2 text messages the next day. The first said good morning. The second was sent an hour later with a "?" I guess he was hoping that I would call. I told him last night that I was busy this weekend. I blew him off today. I am not sure if/when I will call back.

I am mildly attracted to him. I have a feeling the sex would be good. But I don't see him getting along with my friends or anything long term. So far, only the grad student seems to fit that description.

I wasn't sure what do do about this dude. M thought that he may be the scary stalker type. The Arab said to run away. Keely said to give the guy a second chance.

Date #3- Film Boy

Date: March 26, 2008
Location: Flight Path
Time: 8:00pm
Duration of date: 2 hrs 30 mins
Occupation: Film Maker
Age: 27

He found me on FastCupid (he is on the Onion Personals). He googled me and found my blog and he decided that he wanted to meet me. He was volunteering for SXSW and wanted to know if I wanted to meet up then. We sent a few text messages back and forth but never met up during the festival. Then I got the ear infection from hell. A few weeks later we arranged to meet up at Flight Path on a Wednesday (non-committal date night).

He did most of the questioning (pretty common when I am not really interested in the dude). We talked movies and music. He asked me out my job. I barely remember the date. That is how uneventful it was.

He walked me to my car. The date ended in the standard awkward hug.

Date #1 - Nature boy

Date: January 13, 2008
Location: Draught House
Time: 7pm
Duration of date: 2 hrs 15 mins
Occupation: Grad Student
Age: 29

First of all, I wasn't physically attracted to him. He has a Conan O'Brien face (you know, where everything is in the middle of the face). It didn't help that I was totally distracted by the hot dude that was sitting at the table next to us. I will now admit that I am still trying to get over my hot Ryan thing. I need to lower the bar if I am ever going to date someone again.

Not bad. I had one beer, he had 2. I think I did most of the talking and he asked more questions. I was trying to avoid being the interrogator. Besides, I had no real desire to get into his pants so I didn't have to ask as many questions (Meg's prerequisite).

We chatted about school, bikes, stormwater and wetlands (he mentioned something about birdwatching), cats, the Drafthouse, the internet, and how music is reaching broader audiences because of the internet making music more accessible.

One interesting question was, "how did I get into online dating?". I told him about M and Meg's summer of fun on Nerve.com. I told him that I came into a lot of points on Nerve because they deleted my profile and I was compensated with 3000 points and I finally decided to use them before they were taken away. He used to be part of the FastCupid service through the Chronicle but now he is on the Onion personals. He asked why I chose him to go out with (let me count the ways: non-smoker,older than my little sister, that didn't appear to be a complete d-bag
with 2 kitties was very appealing) and I said that his profile looked good and having cats is a big plus in my book.

The date ended with a handshake.

The next day he emailled to thank me for meeting up with him and he apologized for not conveying all the charm and sense of humor of which he is capable of. He hoped that I felt my time was well spent. He asked me out for lunch. I had scheduling conflicts. Lunch never happened and he was never heard from again.

Date #5- Speed Racer

Date: April 16, 2008
Location: Opal Divine's
Time: 7:30pm
Duration of date: 2 hrs 30 mins
Occupation: Race Car Driver/Musician/Auto Mechanic
Age: 29

I met him on the internet. We talked about where we grew up. Apparently he has a degree in Environmental Sciences and made an attempt to get into the industry. He ended up working as a mechanic and never went back. We talked about how Austin has changed over the years. He is a musician so we talked about that for awhile. He asked a lot of questions. I didn't ask that many (I was interested but the 2 beers were kicking in. It was about that time when I started thinking about the illusive grad student. I couldn't even think about making out with this dude). He owns his house. He has a cat (all good things).

Towards the end of the date, he shifted the discussion to online dating. I explained the difficulties of meeting people when you don't leave the house. Apparently he doesn't get out much either.

The date ended awkwardly with a handshake in the parking lot.

Later, I realized later that I didn't have his number but he had mine. I never heard from him.

I stalked him on the internet later. His band wasn't that great.

Challenge Update #3

So I decided to take the plunge and start posting the entries on the 17. I know I said that I would wait until the end of the project but I figured that reaching the halfway point in July was a pretty big accomplishment. Internet worthy even. Especially since I did it by only counting one date per person.

I hit a plateau not too long ago and it reminded me why I set out on this journey in the first place. I did it to work out some personal issues. I've built this giant wall around myself and I knew that in order to grow as a person I really need to let people in. I had to learn how to share and trust in order to lighten that emotional load. I think that I've got it down to one of those little train cases.

Date #2 - Mystery Date

Date: February 20, 2008
Location: His House
Time: 8:15pm
Duration of date: 2 hrs 15 mins
Occupation: Media/Design/Web Marketing?
Age: 35

This guy sent me a random message on MySpace. He had seen my profile and thought that I was interesting. He just come off of a nine-month trip to South America. After checking his profile out I told him that I wouldn't mind hearing about his trip over a beer.

I set up a beer date for Wednesday evening (non-committal date night). When I called he had just come back from a run and didn't really feel like being out. He said that I was welcome to come over.

I ended up going over there (I've seen "To Catch a Predator" and I did it anyway). We talked for a long time. The discussion was on politics, our families, a lot of random stuff. We talked about how the subject of race was brought out into the spotlight with the recent presidential debates. He asked some weird questions. He asked when the last time I had a boyfriend was and had I ever lived with a boyfriend. When I answered that it had been over 2 years since I had a boyfriend he asked if I had kept a lover in the interim.

SCARY DUDE. These are not first date questions. I was also a little weirded out when he threw in the "you are more beautiful than I had expected."

Something was a little off about this guy. He was definitely ADD.

The date ended with an awkward hug. I never heard from him again.

Challenge Update #2

I am still in, the Arab is still in, not sure who else is still working on the quest. Some how I managed to get ahead of everyone else (unless the Arab starts counting people more than once).

Since the last update...

1. I have gone on a few non-Wednesday dates.
2. There have been 2 dinner dates (I have yet to scam dinner off someone. I could have but decided that it was a bad idea).
3. One date was a meager 1 hour and 15 minutes. It was an early dinner (M revised the rules for dates during meals).
4. Only one of the dates was found organically. He picked me up in a bar with a cheesy pick up line.

As far as the next few dates go, the Arab has agreed to be my "Yoda". I will study under him and be his pivot.

Challenge Update

So, I am still in. Many others have bailed. I can't spill all the details on what has happened since January. I can't tell you how far I have made it in the quest (you will just have to wait until I am done). I can tell you the following:

1. Most of the dates have been on Wednesday night. Totally coincidental. I am not trying to make Wednesday the new Friday.
   
2. The common location would be in a coffee shop (some in the same coffee shop).
3. Average date is 2 hours and 15 minutes (I haven't been able to go on a lunch date yet so the date is supposed to be at least 2 hours).
   
4. Most dates were found on the internet.
5. Most dates have ended with an awkward hug and no repeat date.
6. I have conducted internet research on almost all the dates prior to meeting them.
7. Most dates are younger than me and do not own property.

Stay tuned. One of these days I will post all the details.

Yeah, I'm in.

After my Thelma and Louise incident I've decided this is the year for non-relationships. By non-relationships I mean going on a gazillion 17 dates in one year.

Let's just say that I put too much of myself into past relationships and have decided it's time to focus on some "me things." I have been till this point in my life a serial monogamist. After the last break-up I went a few months then dove right in head first again. That's not good for me. (Jen and Megan both said it.)

Let me clarify, I don't necessarily feel bad, I'm just angry. It's better to be pissed off than pissed on, right?

So, I'm joining the crusade. There are a few modifications I'm making to the rules though:

1. A booty call can count and my addition to this rule is that the social activity must take place before the sexin'.
   
2. Each date must be two (2) hours in length at the minimum if it occurs after the standard work day (9am-5pm). (You can have your friends come rescue after the allotted 2 hours, but you must endure)
   
3. The exclusion to the two hour rule is a lunch date. If the date is scheduled during the standard work day then it only have to be one (1) hour in total.

I think that's all the additions I have, not to say I won't have more as we encounter more crazies!

17 dates, the lowdown

Apparently other people want to join me in the quest. To make things fair, we can't post about the 17 until we are done. If people knew what we were doing, it could skew the results.

I will however tell you the rules on how we plan to get this done.
17 dates will be like Fight Club. From this point on we can't talk about it. We may post stuff about dating in general but because of my 8 second delay rule we will never post any details in order of occurrence until the end.

Meeting people:

1. Dating sites are fair game. You need to be honest about the details in your profile and you can't ever mention the 17 date challenge in the profile.
2. You can't post an ad on Craigslist (it's a free site so you are guaranteed a high response rate), but you can pick people up from Craigslist
3. Speed dating. Those 3-5 minute dates can't count as individual dates. Although you may get a free date pass if you leave speed dating and no one asks you out.
4. Friends. Yes, friends can set you up but they can't ever mention the challenge and you shouldn't use the challenge to guilt them into finding you a date.
5. Picking people up in the real world (Do people still do that?).
   

The dates:

1. Dates must be one-on-one and in person. No phone dates. No internet chats. No group dates. You must endure the date alone and in person.
2. The 17 should be with 17 different people over the course of one year. If you wanted to, you could claim up to 3 dates with one person but you must remember that you are treading in dangerous waters. More than three dates might constitute a "Relationship" which could give the unfair advantage of unlimited dates. If you do start dating someone exclusively during the challenge you will be disqualified from the challenge.
   
3. The dates do not need to be with new people. Backsliding with an ex will count (I'll never go there, but others might). Recycling someone from your past will count. But seriously, this is about trying new things.
4. Booty calls or random hookup could count as a date if you did a date-like activity before or after. If you do claim a booty call or random hookup with a person you can't use them as a repeat date.
   

The record keeping:

1. You will keep a journal of the 17. Keep track of how you met them, name, age, and date details. Also keep a note of who you managed to get another date out of. Once again, it's for the science and it's to make sure that no one cheats.
   
2. If you do pick up someone from the internet, you should keep the profile or the ad because we will need it for research.
3. At the end of the challenge the posts on the 17 go live. The names will be changed to protect the innocent (or not so innocent).
   

Prizes and excitement:

1. Something good has to come out of this. If anything, we at least get some free dinners and good sex out of this.
2. I can tell you that the first person to 17 is not the winner.
   

Dating Revolutions

This is the one area of my life that could use some overhauling. I have worked myself into a corner. I complain about dating and I complain about being alone as well.

Keely says that it takes 17 bad dates to get to a good one. Even though I am afraid of dating, this is the year that I will make the effort to get myself out there. 17 dates, one year. I am still working out the details on that. I am not sure if that is 17 first dates or how many dates can be counted per person.

I went out on one date late in 2007. It was a very low key Scrabble date. I am not going to count that one. I will start from scratch and post the highlights on this blog.

My original plan was to have my friends set me up on blind dates once a month in lieu of getting me a Christmas present. They vetoed that. Plan B will probably rely on the internet and maybe the occasional friend of a friend set up.

Stay tuned for the terms and conditions.