climbinginskirts.com

Hold please...

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:29:00 +0000

I'm working on getting my pictures up from this weekend. I have a lot to go through and I have class today. I promise I'll get to some of them this evening though. Stay tuned.....

-M

Fun^3 Fest

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 06:15:00 +0000

So once again my hetero life partner comes through. M left me yet another amazing voicemail message (the last awesome one told me that we were going to see David Byrne). She managed to score us backstage passes to Fun Fun Fun Fest. She also found a buyer for the tix we bought ages ago.

So what does one get with backstage passes. Ummm, free stuff... and for the majority of the festival we got to stand right in front of the stage or on stage. M's big ass camera (BAC) was really helpful in getting us front and center (One of the festival dudes later told me that I had to remove myself from the front of the stage. Only people with media wristbands or BAC's could go up there. Apparently there were problems).

Anyways, the weekend was a success. We got through it with minimal drama, a shitload of pictures, and I think that we will be removing dust and dirt from ourselves for the next week.

Stay tuned for pictures and the list of shows we caught.

Random Observations:

The Hipster Bandit- Even the dudes from the Spinto Band had to comment that the hipster scarves were actually functional this weekend. With all the dust it made sense to cover your face with that israeli scarf (or rock the SARS mask like a few brave people).
Dudes wearing pink - please stop
Fake moustache- Could it be the right accesory for the corduroy jacket?
Bad weed- Once again I will say that festival attendees who can actually afford weed are smoking the stuff that the homeless people won't touch.

Useful Festival Gear:
So I noticed that very few people are prepared for an all day outdoor festival. Granted, the door people search your bags for weapons, booze, and food. But still, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't pack a few things. This is what was in my bag:

Tissues - also useful when the port-o-potty is out of TP
Hand Sanitizer or Moist Towlettes
Visine/Eyedrops
Extra Sunglasses
Earplugs - I prefer the reusable swimmers earplugs. I bring disposable ones too, it is a good way to make friends.
Camera - with extra batteries and memory (note that cameras are not always allowed at festivals but you can check ahead of time).
A descent size bag to carry all your stuff (your friend may or not be willing to be your sherpa). I carry a messenger bag. M usually has her cycling backpack.
Cash - not all events take credit or have an onsite ATM
Empty water bottle - staff might prevent you from taking in water, but they can't stop you from bringing an empty bottle. You can usually find a water fountain or restroom to fill it up.
Sunscreen
Coozie- Most of the time the beer chicks are somewhere in proximity distributing them. Never when you need them though.
Chapstick
Sweater/Sweatshirt- It's good to dress in layers. By the end of the night you will be glad you packed it. I usually stick a hat in my bag for that reason.

Halloween!

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 20:37:00 +0000

Halloween!, originally uploaded by Limorama.

As promised, here's our costumes. I think they're super cute, and they were easy to make.

Changes

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 16:44:00 +0000

As your webmaster, I feel that I have let you down. This site should get with the times and move into Web 2.0. You should know what music we are listening to, what we are reading on the internet, and maybe even things that we are twittering. My other sites have gone through many redesigns while this one sits stagnant. So, my promise to you readers is to overhaul the site before the next SXSW.

Stay tuned.
-Jen

Halloween ect.

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 19:10:00 +0000

I'm free, I win, and yeah, it's over. I'm still working out some of those feelings but I do know, not just think, but I know that I am free.

Last night was Halloween. It was pretty fun if you ask me. Went to one house party with one of my dudes, then we went to his work party. After that started to die down we went to the Mohawk to meet up with some of my other dudes.

This year we went as the super Mario Brothers... They were really good costumes, once I put them up, I'll embed a photo here. They only took me about 2 hours to throw together, and they worked out perfectly. Easily recognizable, and fun. I liked them best because I refuse to make Halloween into slut-o-ween, and I still had an awesome costume.

When we left the house party and walked to the bar, everyone was all honking their horns at us, "beep, beep look it's Mario and Luigi." Worked out good. Plus, I had so many pockets in my damn overalls that I didn't even need to carry a bag or anything. Thumbs up to that!

After we left the bar we caught a pedi-cab down to the Mohawk to meet up with the beastie boys, a dino, a vampire, her husband, and one of my friends who didn't dress up (cause they just flew in from somewhere else). I hafta say that all the costumes looked good. Definitely drunken fun.

Here's where there's still a little strangeness in my life. xxx was there. He's friends with those people too, so he can go where he wants, but there's still this strange tension. I really just want to be done. I'd like to never see him again, but Austin's so small town that I don't think that can happen. Inevitably I'm going to run into him or her at a show, I just know it.

I just need to figure out how to get it into my head that I shouldn't even worry. I'd like to just ignore them, and leave it at that. I already have the moral high ground here, there's no need to hulk it out on them or anything.

Wishing and hoping doesn't really get me anything, so I just need to take control of my own situation. Instead of saying "I hope they don't ever show up where I am," I need to say "It's ok, they didn't really f-up my life or anything serious/permanent." It'll just take a little more time for me to get there.

I'm in a pretty good place though. When it's all said and done, nothing that happened because of them will have lasting effects on me, or my life, so I'm ok with that.

Liars and drama

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 22:07:00 +0000

Ok good readers, I thought that this was done. I should have known better, but eh, what's that saying "curiosity killed the cat"? Is that it?

Well I think in this situation it for sure did. So I sent off the e-mail the other day, and felt really good about getting it off my chest, right? Well today I heard that xxxxx is saying that she didn't send me that msg in the first place, she's telling people that I'm a liar, (*sarcasm) great.

Logically, I think she's just trying to stir that pot again, to get a reaction out of xxx, but I don't need to be dragged into this anymore than I already am. So xxxxx, if yer reading this, which wouldn't surprise me, I have two sentences for you. 1. USE A F-ING CONDOM! 2. LEAVE ME OUT OF YOUR MESS!

Wow that felt great to get that off my chest too. I went to dinner with one of my dudes, who's completely outside of this whole thing, doesn't know xxx or xxxxx, it was refreshing to get his point of view. He was right, this is me getting sucked into something that is categorically bad for me. Tomorrow will be nice, iPod, and book. On my layover I'll watch the debate.

After dinner I went to get some things I lent to another friend earlier this summer. She was at a bar, so I had one beer with her and we talked for a little bit. She's having her own drama. And it struck me listening to her that we're all suffering from our own drama. On some level or another. It really made me feel better that I do actually feel shitty about this whole thing. I was kind of beating myself up for feeling bad about this. Now I'm actually going to allow myself to feel crappy. I'm not going to dwell on it or anything, but if I feel bad, I won't make myself feel worse for feeling bad. I'm giving myself a break on this one. It's not an all access pass or anything, but I think I could/can move on forward a little faster if I forgive myself.

Jen had to get some stuff off my computer this evening. She has a key so she came over when I was out at dinner, and she left me the best note. I'm not going to divulge that to you guys, but suffice it to say, I needed a slap in the face like that. This goes back to the same thing I keep saying. And don't you worry, around thanksgiving you'll hear a lot more of this, but how did I end up with such awesome people as my friends? Guys might fall away, or turn out to be assholes, but my dudes, holy cow, you guys rock.

Things sometimes have a way of working themselves out, even if they wern't the way you planned.

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 22:11:00 +0000

So I'd been posting on here for a while about a dude. Isn't that the same story that practically every woman my age is talking about? Well it all came to a head a few weeks ago. I resisted posting on here because well, he reads this sometimes. I wanted to know what to say before just flipping out.

And last night, I did know what to say. I wrote an e-mail to him explaining my situation. And holy cow I feel so much better getting that stuff off my chest. It's time for bigger and better things. I really was the lucky one of this whole situation, I didn't end up with an emotionally unavailable boyfriend, or end up pregnant. You'll understand when I post the letter I wrote. I feel really good sharing that now. It was a totally f-ed up situation, but it's over. Thanks to the help of my awesome friends. They allowed me to talk it to death to figure out what was the best course of action for me. I don't think I even say it enough, I really mean it when I say that I love you guys. I really value all of your friendships, and support.

__________________________________________________________________

Here's the letter: (I'll change the names.)

So, I've thought about this a lot. Somewhere, I don't know where I've found the restraint necessary not to pop off and flip out on you, instead I've tried to calm myself down and really think about this.

I feel that no matter what happens after this you have a right to know what I know and feel. So I'm including a copy of the facebook e-mail I got two Thursdays ago from xxxxx. I got that message five mins before I walked in to take a spanish test, which basically ruined my test.

The simplest answer is: just be done. Wasting my time thinking about what I did wrong or could have done to make you love me simply isn't worth it. It all happened, the whole however long. I can't change anything, so now it's time for me to pick up the pieces and move forward with my life. I've been entrenched in you and changing myself for you for far too long. I have a million questions I could ask, but I don't really think that any answer I hear from you will satisfy me, so reply if you want but after what you did I'm certainly not expecting that you could express anything to me that your actions don't already tell me. Oh and I'm going to Chicago on Wednesday, so if you do decided to say something to me, do it after I get back next Monday. You ruined enough, don't ruin my trip.

Let's be clear here, I was nothing but honest with you about how I felt, and wanted nothing more than for you to end up happy, even if it wasn't with me. If you had been honest with me, and told me you were still sleeping with her, I probably would have been angry, but you wouldn't have burned this bridge, like you did by lying to me. It would have taken time, but I would have been able to forgive you, and definitely would have stood by your side as your friend if you needed me. This whole past nine months or however long this back and forth has been going on I was trying desperately not to hurt you. I knew that I did hurt you when we broke up, and wanted you to never feel like that again. The problem is that there was nothing I could have done to save you from yourself. You dug your own grave and tried to shove me in it with you.

I don't want to say never, but if ever it will take a very long time for me to not feel totally hurt by you. I think the worst part is that I believed you when you told me you loved me. You may have, but if you did, those feelings certainly did not dictate your actions, instead what I got was perhaps the biggest shock ever. Some random girl I have met once in my life sends me a message saying she's pregnant from the guy who tells me he loves me. I did not believe you were capable of this. This is all very bittersweet for me. I am happy to close this chapter of my life for good, but I am sad as to how it ended and that you didn't feel you could be honest with me.

I never asked you to choose between her and me, that's because I thought you were just friends with her, all I wanted was some validity in your life. Sure you were sweet and affectionate when people weren't around, but in public, it was almost as if you had just met me and we were barely acquainted, you had to know I didn't like that. I put up with it because I thought you just needed more time. Now I think about it, and it was stupid of me. If you loved me, there is no reason you wouldn't want to be with me, something made it so convoluted that I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I know more how to be honest with myself and my own feelings.

When you ignored me at the cut copy show I was pissed. You couldn't even be bothered to come say "hi, can't hang out, but wanted to find you to say hi and make sure you weren't with some psycho killer."(Editors note: The dude I met/bought tix from is awesome.) I'm glad you did though, otherwise I might still be doing this back and forth that is not healthy for either of us. The thing that was the most telling about it all was that you didn't even bother to try to talk to me the day(s) after. After all that has transpired, you couldn't even be bothered to try to talk to me, I guess you were hoping I'd just fall away into the ether somewhere. Guess what, you got your wish, be careful what you wish for.

Some part of me still wants you to find happiness, because I know in my heart that I do care about you no matter what you've done. I just can't have you in my life, ever again. You wreck havoc wherever you go, and I certainly don't need the drama of who you're sleeping with. Oh and BTW, can you ask her not to send me any more messages, I don't want anything to do with either of you. I'm not giving you the opportunity to reject me any more, no more lies, no more deceit, and definitely no more wrong-doings.

This all might come out sounding mean, but trust me it's loads toned down from what I originally wrote. I'm not really sure how to conclude this. I've been talking about cutting the cord for awhile now. This is me doing just that. And no I'm not sorry for going through what we went through, I'm not sorry for bringing you home to my parents, I'm not sorry for dating you in the first place, I don't regret any of it. But now I am free.

I want to say that I hope for your happiness, and wish you luck, but you know that. So as the last thing I do for you I'm going to include the msg that she sent me. I feel that with something this serious you have a right to know what she's telling people. Here it is:

...
Between You and xxxxxxxx xxxx

xxxxxxxx xxxx

October 2 at 2:45pm

Report Message

I can't begin to understand the relationship you have with xxx, but I imagine it's something similar to mine. On and off again. Dealing with his "maybe's[sic]" and his "I don't know's[sic]" and his there one day and gone again the next. Maybe you've moved beyond that and feeling bad about it or torn up or conflicted. If so, you are lucky.

I am not, and I am pregnant. I know he tells everyone I'm just some girl from soccer or whatever, but that's not what it's been. When he slept with you during SXSW, he had been sleeping with me until that week. When he slept with you over Memorial Day weekend, he had still been sleeping with me all along and he slept with me again as soon as I came home... without telling me about you. He didn't even change the sheets.

I know him differently now than I did before. He sees nothing wrong with this behavior. He says, "My relationships with other people have nothing to do with eachother[sic]." He sees no need to be honest about seeing other people, or sleeping with other people, at the same time.

I love him, very much, and I've loved him and been there with him for almost two years now, but this, almost as soon as he found out I was pregnant, he went out and found some other girl to make out with... this situation is untenable.

He wants a paternity test, but there's not any way it could be anyone else's[sic]. The last person I dated was sterile and the dates line up for xxx.

I have nothing against you and never did. You didn't KNOW... it's all him. He KNEW and said nothing. He KNEW what he was doing and I knew later... and I have failed because I never told you why I was angry with him... never revealed his subterfuge after I knew. And I am sorry for that. I thought you could guess, like I did, what was going on.

I just, don't know what to do anymore.

=X=

So, that's it. I wish I knew what else to say, but I don't think it's necessary or I even want to say anything else.

-Emily
___________________________________________________________________

So, yeah, that's some f-ed up stuff. I was super pissed when I got the msg. I feel like I've calmed down quite a bit now though. That's the latest drama. I said it in the letter, but I don't want anything to do with either of them...ever again. Thank goodness I got out now.

Oh as another thought, I almost just replied to XXXXX, I was going to cut and past a link to the austin STD clinic. But I'm not sure she'd get it.

Thanks for reading. There's surely not going to be too much drama in the next week while I'm away, and I'm looking forward to that. I'll keep you posted.

Quick note: super hero names

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 04:28:00 +0000

Jen told me today that she wanted to make a cape. I personally think it's silly, and don't appreciate the silhouette at all. But still, more power to her if she wants to rock it. I always say that having that crazy stuff is about owning it, and rocking it while you're wearing it.

Ok so to get down to business, Jen needs a super hero name. If she's going to wear the cape out, we need to make her a mask, and give her a great name.

I think you guys know her pretty well after reading all her posts ect... I was thinking "Super Grandma Driver" or something like that.

Let us know if you think of anything good!

Driving like a grandma

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 04:41:00 +0000

M says that Meg and I drive like grandmas. It's true. Driving makes me a little nervous. I was in a head on collision September 24, 2000. After that I became super cautious. I don't drive my car that much. I only put 9000 miles on my car in the last year (I only went on 2 short road trips). I don't like making left turns either.

This Wednesday I did one more thing to add to my grandma driving track record. I backed into a parked car when I pulled out of my driveway. I was heading out to watch Project Runway with my peeps. I had a flat that Monday so I am a little more aware of the little tire pressure indicator on the dash. It had popped up again and I was annoyed. Then I heard a little cracking noise. I backed into a car that was just beyond the "hedge" that surrounds my mailbox. Not good.

I pull forward and discover that I have dented my bumper, cracked the reflector, and scratched the other car (it was a 2 inch scratch). I decided to do the right thing and leave a note for the person. I pulled into my garage and decided to stay in for the night. I popped out the dent in my bumper and managed to reattach the bumper clips. I used packing tape to reattach the reflector. Then my doorbell rings. Someone is selling phone service products (I refuse to endorse the company). I ask if the car is hers. It is, then I explain what happened. We call the police to file the accident report. We exchanged insurance info.

So what now. I ended up with a citation. I have to pay a fine or take defensive driving (defensive driving is significantly cheaper). All of that for being a good person and doing the right thing. Most people don't. Thank goodness for the Accident Forgiveness policy. I don't have to pay for the damage to her car. I just have to pay for mine. I can either pay $400 to fix the flaw or cover it. I am going with the touch up paint and sticker method. My bumper is subject to future damage. I have already scratched it with my bike.

Just returning the favor....

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 00:05:00 +0000

I really doubt that this new found faith in our posse is unfounded, or for that matter out of the ordinary.

This would be not the first, but I think in the last few months, that was the fourth time either one of us has thanked our friends for being. I always knew I was in awe of all of my friends for all that they do, and on top of all that they keep my sanity as well.

I think it's all paybacks. I am the firmest believer in karma, have always been. Not in the traditional sense, but more in the "If I'm good to you, you'll be good to me." way. I'm not exactly sure that's working out in all aspects of my life thought. (But I'll save that for another post.)

This thing that happened is just proof of the karmic circle. Late last year there was the thelma and louise incident. I remember reading, and re-reading that post thinking how very lucky I was and am to have a friend like Jen.

When things appear to not be going well all that I usually need to make myself feel better is some time with my friends. They are really great at reminding me of how great I really am, even if I'm not feeling that way.

I'm happy that I can be even 1/8th as helpful to Jen as she was to me when I so desperately needed her.

I almost hate to say that I'm so dependant on other people, but I really believe that I wouldn't be able to get along in this life if it weren't for my friends. It's kinda shmoopy and all that, but they are my family here. My real family lives 1000 miles away, and I am the type of person that really needs a support system. I can't function well unless I have people around.

So yeah, I second that, Thanks dudes, I too love you all so much.
-M

Fancy seeing you here...

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 05:35:00 +0000

I knew I would eventually run into one of those guys again.

Today I was out watching the debates with my posse at a local bar (I know, we are dorks for watching the debates in a bar, but it was high def and most of us don't have cable). M and I were watching the door for hot guys and the rest of the crew. I saw guy walk in and did a double take. It was the redhead (who according to his facebook profile is engaged). I turn to M and she looks at me. M starts to get up and have a chat with him. I told her to ignore him. I look away and try to be invisible (Not very easy. A black girl is kind of hard to miss.) He starts walking towards us and ends up a few tables away. I maintain my cool and keep talking to my peeps. M offers to take him out for me. I said no. He's just a sad little boy in a bar watching the debates all by himself.

In the end he decided to move to the other end of the bar. I am guessing he felt a little uncomfortable (At one point in time I turned around to talk to my peeps at the table behind me and we made eye contact. Neither of us said a thing). I, on the other hand, felt truly blessed. I have a posse that will always be by my side rain or shine.

Oh, and I saw David Byrne last night. More reasons to be happy.

I love you all.
-Jen

The end of online dating

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 03:59:00 +0000

Today the profiles were deleted. I still had 400 points left on my nerve personals account but I decided to cancel anyway. Has it done me any good? Mmmn, not really. It did get you a few good stories. I doubt that if I had met Napoleon Dynomite in person that it would have resulted in a date. Yahoo Personals was totally lame. No hits from people remotely interesting.

I was spending way too much time man hunting on the internet anyways. I will use my new found extra time to get more sewing and blogging done. Maybe some reading.

I need to find a place to meet straight men. I meet plenty of gay men in my travels (Fabric Store, Project Runway screenings, etc...). Maybe I will join a kickball league this fall.

Give me the heart of a rhino!

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 03:26:00 +0000

If I get that "I'm not ready for a relationship" speech one more time, does Beetle Juice appear? or will the next guy be turned into a goon like Little Bunny Foo Foo? Seriously I need to know. Is there a prize at the bottom of this box of Cracker Jacks we call life or is it just a lot of crumbs?

This 17 dates thing was to help cure me of my trust issues or toughen me up and give me the heart of a rhino. I needed a rhino heart after I got the speech from a guy and then found out that he got engaged a few months later (I still have yet to find out whether this one has lied or not). Do I get my rhino heart at the end of 17 dates or will I crawl in to my cave like Punxsutawney Phil and maybe come out once a year?

My post about the Facebook status update was caused by yet another person who said that they were "not ready..." and yet apparently they were, just not with me. Ah, yes, pictures of them together on the Facebook. The chunks began to rise once again and I learned that I have not developed my rhino heart just yet. The only thing I could do was delete him from my friends list and hope that one day the Facebook people would send the people that I deleted a note. "Jen has just deleted you from her friends list. You are no longer friends. Have a nice day." It would also be nice if they could just put that little note in the news feed. They let you know when people friend someone. Why not the other way around? "Jen has ended her friendship with X."

So I spent the morning with my friend's 3-year-old son who loves me. He thinks I am awesome. He likes me better than his mom's other friends because I come over and we play, and read, and sometimes I bring him something cool (like cookie dough or games). He is also honest. Today he was being a little fussy. He admitted that he was grumpy (aka it's him, not me). I was a little grumpy too. We worked through it and had a good time.

So there you have it kids. Tell the truth. Don't water it down. Don't offer that chaser of "It's not you, it's me" or "you deserve better". It doesn't make the bitter pill any easier to swallow.

What is it about expectations?

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 17:08:00 +0000

So yeah, I'm not sure what it is. Expectations always seem to lead to let downs for me. And try as I might, I can't help having those expectations.

Take last night for example. Some friends said they were coming out, but ended up bailing on me. I know things happen, and people hafta change plans, but I was still rather disappointed. Maybe un-justly but still, I wanted to see them. I waited around all night for them to show.

The real issue here is not that my friends didn't show up, it is about the expectations I have for other people and myself. I think I'm guilty of that; setting the bar too high for people in my life and refusing to let anyone in who can come close to but not up to or surpass the bar. That's a me issue, something I have to deal with. I'm learning to be more lax about it all, but it will take more time.

Isn't there something about holding yourself up to higher expectations too? isn't that supposed to be good? Then WTF, why can't I do that? I seem to have such an sense of what I'd like for myself and who I'd like to be, but it just doesn't work out that way. I always seem to let myself down, just at the moment when I think I've figured some of it out. Well, guess that's not going to happen.

Does that mean I shouldn't have any more expectations for myself? I think that's kinda wrong too. It's about finding the in-between ground. I've never been any good at that. I've pretty much always been an all or none kind of person; it's just part of my type A personality I think.

Just maybe if I could learn to modify that need for setting super high expectations of myself I would feel more satisfied with my life. The only issue is, how do I know when they're too low? What is my measure? Is there someone I can use as an example of my yardstick? Maybe my parents, they seem pretty satisfied with their own lives. Maybe that's too far in the future though? I guess what it amounts to is that I don't get it.

Social Networking Crazy

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 02:30:00 +0000

Does anyone besides me find that little heart icon annoying? MySpace was a little more stealth about the process (or atleast is was in the past, I haven't been on there in a while).

For those of you living in a rock, this is what I am talking about...

This just happens to be a perfect example of someone who listed themselves in a relationship a little prematurely. Almost a full 11 hours. This one didn't get to the point where the name of the person that you are in a relationship with gets posted.

A few people on the internet that have something to say about this Facebook trend. Check out a few examples here, here and here.

Please stop the insanity. Is it really that important to announce these details of your life to everyone? Learn how to disable that shit!

In the meantime, I will be figuring out how to not be alerted of relationship status changes.

Date #9 (how it all played out)

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 02:00:00 +0000

So there were more emails and a few more dates.

We saw Wall-e on the 4th of July and watched the fireworks from his window. We discovered that our musical tastes were compatible. I was the first person to see his new apartment. He gave me a copy of the book that he wrote. He drove across town to have dinner at my place. He even brought me flowers.

and now it's time for the BUT.

Two days after I cook him dinner I get the "I'm not ready for a relationship" email. Apparently he just got out of something a few weeks before I went out with him. He said that I deserve to be with someone who can give themselves to me unencumbered by emotional bulshit.

I feel a little used. The fact that this didn't come up at all in the 3 weeks that we have shared a wealth of personal information is a little weird. It seems like "I just got out of a relationship" would have popped up before a lot of the things he shared. Especially if it was something that was creating that much disruption in his life. I had finished his book and it was pretty apparent that he had gone though some messy stuff. Maybe not everything in the book was true but something in his life had to inspire his writing.

As much as we hate to admit it we all come with personal baggage and emotional bullshit. Some people have paired it down to a backpack others are toting around a 5 piece matching set.

This is why I started this 17 dates challenge. I wanted to work out some personal issues. I had built this giant wall around myself and I knew that in order to grow as a person I needed to let people into my life. I had to learn how to share and trust in order to lighten my emotional load. I think I have got it down to one of those little train cases.

It's funny that this happened now. I was trying to figure out how to proceed with the 17 dates. The 4 dates I had gone on with the redhead were good. I decided to take things one day at time. Then there is the fact that sex complicates things so I figured it was best to hang out on the plateau called date #9. The goal of this challenge is not to go on 17 dates in a year, it was for me to grow as a person. Passing up opportunities out of fear was not acceptable.

Date #9 - The Redhead

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 01:57:00 +0000

Date: July 2, 2008
Location: Gingerman
Time: 7 pm
Duration of date: 12 hrs 30 min
Occupation: Teacher
Age: 26

So crazy paid off. After a week of emailing back and forth on Facebook he asked me out.

We met at the gingerman at 7. He was at the table in the far corner, reading a book and drinking a beer. I got a beer. We talked for a long time. We had another round of beer. More talking. He asked about dinner. I said I wasn't super hungry but I would go grab food with him. I was feeling the beer so food was a good idea.

We walked to Taverna. He was hobbling due to a broken toe. I was a little tipsy. We ordered capresi and some wine (I filed the disclaimer that I could drink no more). We talked more, we ordered dinner. More talking. I drank the wine. The trek to the restroom was a little tricky. Then I did the unthinkable. The check came and I let him pay.

He asked what I would be up for next. I said that I could not drive home right now. He said we could go for a walk. I vetoed because he was being stubborn about the foot. We ended up at Betsy's bar. He got makers and something. I had LOTS of water. We talked some more. The truth came out about the email. He admitted to putting a lot of work into those. I admitted that I put the effort in because I was writing to an english teacher. At some point I leaned towards him and put my head against his. Then we were making out in the bar. He held my hand. He had his hand on my thigh, then he was running his hand along my leg, then his hand was under my skirt (AND I DIDN'T STOP HIM). We were THAT couple. Making out in the bar.

We left the bar and he asked what I wanted to do next. I said, driving was not an option for me. He asked if I wanted to hand out with him some more. I said that would be cool. He asked if I'd like to see his school. So we hiked up to his school. He showed me his classroom. We made out
there. Then we made out in his car (it was parked at school). Here is where I debated asking him to take me back to Em's house so I could sleep on her couch.

I went to his place. He filed the disclaimer that his house was a mess. I shouldn't let it reflect poorly on him because his roommate is a slob. His room was really clean. We talked for a bit. Then it was more making out. (when I told em the story earlier she asked if i was sober enough to make clear decisions. was it the liquor talking?) I was in complete control of the situation. I removed my own underpants. We made out some more. Then it was obvious that the sex was going to happen. I said that I had condoms in my purse. Game ON! That's right, the 2 year drought is over.

There was sex and talking and more making out. I think that I got 2 hours of sleep. I did have some issues keeping my mouth shut. I brought up the 2 year drought. I told him that this is one of the few dates that I've gone on recently that didn't end in the awkward hug. I told him that the sex on the first date never happens.

The sleepover. Umm, he held me all night. I couldn't escape. I wanted to be on a side of the bed on my own with covers. So clingy in the bed. He said that I should call in sick and he would take me to my car on the way to work.

We were up before the alarm rang. More making out. There was no sex though. He showered while I rounded up my clothes. I checked out the contents of his room too. Not bad. He is moving this weekend. He is trading in a roommate for the cat that has been living with his parents.

He said that he wanted to see me again. He asked what I was doing on Friday and could he take me out to dinner. I told him that he didn't have to buy my dinner.

He dropped me off at my car around 7:30 and tried to convince me to skip work. He didn't have to be at work until 9 but I realized that my car needed to be moved before 8 (it was at a meter). He kissed me and said that he would call me later.

I managed to get to my house at 8. I got showered and dressed and was in my office at 8:30.

He sent me a really sweet email that morning. We shall see how this plays out.

New beginnings...?

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 04:30:00 +0000

On that note; a new school year, new classes, new things to learn, and new job. This is me re-shuffling the deck and putting all the cards back in. Get ready for that killer hand, 'cause man, I'm sure I'm due for it to be dealt to me.

Maybe I should just be too busy for crazy, we know I have a lot to do this semester but, I'm not sure that being busy is really being truthful to myself. Yeah I'm enjoying it, I do like the direction my life is going now. Here's the thing, really letting go, I need to make that decision. Being busy is a cop out. Not that it's not valid or anything, just it's not completely truthful.

I think I deserve better than crazy. In General crazy's not bad, I just think my mental health would be much more positive if I didn't have to worry about crazy. Maybe there's some part of not worrying about crazy too much that I don't really get. It is that balance thing.

In reality, that's not how I see it working out. I'm not trying to be pessimistic here, just don't think that trying to be less crazy is really an appropriate response to the situation.

I know I said it before but I have to cut the cord. I can't just ask other people to cut me off, I have to make the decision myself. That's the hard part I guess.

So, here's to another school year starting, and trying to look upon things differently. Maybe by this time next year I'll have figured out some of it. I'll plan on that. If I make the plans for that, then I'll be more likely to actually accomplish it by myself, you know?

Date #7 - guy on bike

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 03:00:00 +0000

Date: May 25, 2008
Location: El Arroyo
Time: 7:45pm
Duration of date: 2 hrs 15 min
Occupation: Web Designer/Student
Age: 33

This guy showed up with a mountain man beard. Can you say "CREEPY" boys and girls?

This dude was weird. I think part of it was nerves. But still, something beyond that was wrong. He claimed to be a vegetarian/vegan. Then he said that he was curious about meat sometimes and would eat it. WTF! His main mode of transportation is his bicycle. He knows nothing about bikes and repair though. Not impressed.

He asked most of the questions. I was trying not to appear bored (come on mexican martini, work your magic). Then he dropped the bomb. He asked what my guiding principles and beliefs were. That is not a first date question. That a question to be asked when drunk or under the influence. Or maybe after sex. Totally inappropriate for a first date.

When dinner was over, he asked if I would be up for going to the Gingerman for a beer or hanging out somewhere. I had my one Mexican Martini with my dinner and I wanted to escape. Then there was the payment for dinner thing. I suggested that we split the check. I figured that it was best not to lead this dude on.

At the end of the date I attempted the patented "handshake and run". Unfortunately I got into the awkward hug. Then he tried to kiss me. I am hoping he wanted to kiss my cheek. That's what he got (or a mouthful of hair).

Am I a magnet?

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 22:40:00 +0000

I've always thought of myself as pretty approachable. I guess it's true. My school friend and I were sitting in the cafeteria last week studying/finishing up some final business for our speech class and it seemed like every nerd in the place had to come talk to us.

It wasn't like we were advertising or anything Our boobs were fully in our shirts, it was just strange. We weren't talking to other people or anything, just minding our own business.

Weird though. Just the other day I was talking to a climbing friend of mine, saying how I cannot seem to get any dates at all. He said I was just picky. Maybe he's right. Matty and I were talking last week and decided that it would be good to no judge people any longer. I'm notorious for judging people within the first 5 minuets of talking to them.

So for the next month I will really try hard not to judge people and thus, be a little less picky.

P.S. There are really good things about being picky; like ending up with the friends that I have. They're awesome. But that being said, maybe I'm a little too hard on strangers. So this will be a social experiment for the next month. I'll keep you updated.

Unsent

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 15:03:00 +0000

I still write you letters. I don't know if I will ever send them. But I will keep writing them and stashing them in my journals or typing them on my computer and saving them on my hard drive. I need that outlet.

Will these letters become anything more than their original purpose? Will they become lyrics for a song like Alanis wrote? Will I write a book? Will I create a mixed media art project? I don't know. What I do know is that you made enough of an impact for me to still write you letters to tell you how my day went, to tell you things I've been pondering, to ask you about your life, to tell you that I miss you.

Crazy? Really? Me, nah!

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 21:29:00 +0000

I guess this goes under 17 dates. I only have 6 though, man why did I take myself outta commission for so long? Anyhow:

The crazy got me.

I took it upon myself to e-mail the dude a friend's been talking about. I thought he was great. I made a slightly bad decision on where to go for drinks, but we resolved that about halfway through the evening.

Once we left the first horrible place and ended up at the second one everything seemed to be going well. I thought we had a lot of things to talk about, but maybe that was the two martinis that I had. :(

I didn't feel wasted, but looking back on it, I did mention how two martinis made me a little buzzed. Which is probably why the next thing happened. So the bar we were at closes at midnight. They kicked us out at midnight, so we decided to go and sit outside and talk some more, we sat on the tail-gate of his truck. And now that I realize he was just being nice and waiting for me to sober up enough to drive home I feel like an idiot.

In my pseudo drunken state (I really was just nervous, and not trying to get drunk... boo) I thought we had so much in common, that we could talk about books and climbing and music. Yeah well I guess he was just humoring me so that he was sure I could get home safely.

When I finally felt better I started getting tired, so I told him I had to go home. He walked me back to my car, gave me the slightly awkward hug, and started to walk away. Again, I'll reiterate, I was crazy. So I said, "What was that?" I really didn't get it. I asked him if he wanted to see me again. Oh stupid me! WTF, really? I'm pretty sure I caught him off guard a little, but he was honest. He said something about other circumstances.... Which I translated to, no, I'm not interested in you that way, but if I see you out with other friends, I'll be polite and you should too.

So even if he isn't interested, I still give him points. He was honest with me after all.

I'm not even sure I should go into the rest of the random ramblings I've been thinking about that date. Maybe that'll wait for another post. I'll just leave this and say: Thanks for being honest with me dude. That makes you a stand-up guy even if you're not interested. Oh and thanks for waiting around till I could drive home, that too makes you a stand up guy, even if you were not even mildly amused by my rantings.

Uh oh! Here Comes the Crazy again...

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 00:00:00 +0000

I think it may be cyclical, I feel fine for a few months, then in comes the crazy again. It just sneaks up on me too. So strange.

I might be a seasonal thing, but I really don't know what causes it. Just when I feel I've overcome the nuttiness, it comes back to kick me in the butt. What is that? Seriously?

I'm sure that it in part has to do with my current amount of boy crazy that I am at the moment. I feel totally normal having random crushes all the time. It's me with the "Ooh he's cute, what nice eye candy." But lately that's all I seem to think. Maybe I'm jaded. I'll chalk it up to not wanting to let anyone in until they've proven something of themselves to me. I think that's totally fair.

In my perfect world I would have someone to make out with on a regular basis, then go home to my own bed and my own house, alone thankyouverymuch! Is that so wrong?

I really think the crazy comes back when I'm least expecting it because I've gotten over it from last time, then it just reels me back in. Well good blog readers, it's time to cut the cord. No more miss nice guy. No more of this elusiveness, you're either in or out. I don't do well with this in between thing, it totally drives me crazy.

The thing to keep that crazy in check is realizing that no matter how much I want something I cannot change people, and they will just be. I need to just be, if I could accept my just being-ness then I'd probably be less crazy. That's a thought, probably not too attainable right now, but eh, I'll work on it. That's all I can really do, and if I say I am working on it, I'll feel better, right?

The Surprising Prevalence of Music I listen to

noreply@blogger.com (M) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 19:07:00 +0000

...ala garden state.

In fact, that's where I think it all started. When it came out, there weren't a ton of people who knew who The Shins were, but now I would bet that 6 out of 10 do. That was the movie that started most of it for me, I really liked the music and it opened me up to the possibility of new stuff that maybe sounds mainstream but isn't there yet. It's that whole priding myself on my individuality thing.

I've been to the movies a lot lately. Just the other day I was remarking to Jen how I'm tired of that MIA song, and it's not in the opening of the trailer for Pineapple Express. That's perhaps a bad example, 'cause I'm tired of that, but it seems like where ever I go, something I listen to is showing up. I kinda like that part, I just hope that it's not the stuff I'm tired of.

Oh yeah, the other day I was watching T.V. That Submarines song called "You, Me, and The Bourgeoisie" is in the new iPhone commercial. Craziness.

I guess it's not that strange, I mean we all (as in everyone everywhere) are turning into that one world culture with the spread of the internet and all. It's the internet blogosphere that's making everything way more accessible.

So instead of having a crappy attitude about everyone else liking my music, I think I'm going to try to embrace it. I'll be surprised, because well, I always am to hear something from my iPod in a bar, but I'll try to feel better about it. I'm glad to share my music with the world, if it means artists I like can make more money then, it'll also mean they can tour more and maybe I can see them more often.

Content vs Substance...

noreply@blogger.com (jen) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 03:11:00 +0000

So I had a bunch of date related stuff typed up and decided to use Blogger's scheduler to make sure that things got published. This scales back on the spontaneity but it gets content out there on a more frequent basis. Unfortunately, I will have to get back on the dating train to avoid running out of content.

The dating thing was starting to get a little crazy. Part of me was thinking about going on some dates that were bound for disaster just to get a story (ie. dude with 7 cats. BTW. Ask the Arab is about 90% true). I was beginning to feel like one of those crazy tabloid writers that follows Britney and Lindsay around for a story. NOT GOOD. That totally defeats the point behind the exercise.

Even though I have no clue who my readership is I would like to believe that they would appreciate REAL, yet highly entertaining, content. I would also like dates with substance rather than losing precious minutes of my life that I will never get back.